A Ferris State student caught himself in his zipper after crashing into a school bus while sexting in the distracted driving simulator that was set up in the UC on […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: FSU bookstore holds Captain Morgan posing contest to promote Ferris branded drinkware
Ferris State University held a contest at their bookstore to determine the student with the best drunken pose while imitating the Captain Morgan brand mascot. The idea came to staff […]
SATIRE: New digs for hockey team
Ferris State has decided that the hockey team has brought in enough money for the university that they should give back to the players. Administrators have concluded that they will […]
SATIRE: Hallisy hell hole
The vent belching hot—albeit putrid—air outside of Hallisy Hall can be a godsend for students walking to class on a frigid morning, but has anyone ever stopped to wonder where […]
SATIRE: Eisler says…
“Don’t buy the textbook.” For more words of wisdom by Ferris State’s president, check out last month’s “Eisler says” here: /https://fsutorch.com/2015/12/08/eisler-says/
SATIRE: Horror-scopes
Aries: March 21-April 19 If you’re reading this, it’s already too late. Taurus: April 20-May 20 Your Aquarius friends are facing a difficult bout of turbulence. Help them to stay […]
SATIRE: Ferris undeterred by obvious danger weather presents
This week marks the 97th anniversary of the last time Ferris State canceled classes due to inclement weather. Of course, in that span the students have faced blizzards, mountains of […]
SATIRE: Fire at FLITE
A fire on the third floor of FLITE led to the death of 44 Ferris State University students and approximately 3,000 books around 8 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 26 According […]
SATIRE: Horror-scopes
Aries: March 21-April 19 You are stupid enough to believe that the relative position of celestial bodies offers highly-specific insight into your meaningless existence. Taurus: April 20-May 20 You […]
SATIRE: How to build the perfect relationship
There are a variety of strategies used to attract a mate in this desolate wasteland of romantic angst that we call college. The ways in which people date and approach […]