Between rolling through stop signs, running bicyclists off the road and unnecessary honking at 3 a.m., students were baffled when Ferris’ Department of Public Safety decided to crack down on […]
Tire Fire
SATIRE: Naked and afraid
A young man was found unconscious on main campus early morning on Oct. 21. The nude student was identified as Ferris biology junior Peter Dodgenson. Dodgenson was found unconscious by […]
SATIRE: Off the Record
Midterm blues Oct. 17, 2 p.m., a Ferris English professor promised her students there wouldn’t be a midterm exam only to assign a 10-page essay in its place. OK, fuck […]
SATIRE: Reduce, reuse, reincarnation
An effort to reduce plastic water bottle use on campus has people screaming “H2-oh no.” Ferris began installing refillable water stations in buildings all over campus in 2012 in hopes […]
SATIRE: Ask Woodbridge
“With Halloween coming up, how do I wear my slutty nurse costume without judgement?” – Slutty Sofia Halloween is the one time of year that people can dress in slutty […]
SATIRE: Purpose of Ferris Science Complex Chiller Plant uncovered
Anyone who has ever wandered past Ferris’ Science Complex Chiller Plant has surely wondered what mysteries lie within the strange building. Several faculty members within Ferris’ College of Arts and […]
SATIRE: Brave new world of napping
Ferris has invested the full tuition money of at least 15 students into a new technological marvel housed in the University Center. Early rumors on what exactly the device is […]
SATIRE: Political signs draped all over hall make no impact on local election
Despite excessive, unnecessary efforts by the university to support Mr. Tyvek for a local municipal government position, the candidate Ferris State is officially backing didn’t appear on any Big Rapids […]
SATIRE: Ask Woodbridge
“As an incoming freshman at Ferris, I keep getting lost on campus. I tried using the campus map in my planner but I found it to be extremely confusing! What […]
SATIRE: Eisler says…
“I want to be a racecar driver when I grow up.” Click here to see Eisler’s statement of the week from last time around.